On Watching Anime Again

I started watching anime either in 2018 or in 2004, depending on how you define anime, and also how you define “start” – when I was child, I was obsessed with Yu-Gi-Oh!, like knee-deep in it, crawling out of bed and to the TV room at night to watch the newest episodes when they aired on the late night Cartoon Network slots. I still remembering sneaking out of bed at 10:00pm the night that the final episodes aired, ten years old and sobbing on the floor in front of the little twelve-inch television until I could pick myself up and tiptoe back into my bedroom, where I’d continue crying myself to sleep (if you’ve watched Yu-Gi-Oh! you cannot blame me for this – that finale was engineered to make anyone cry. Ask me how I know.).

Of course, as an adult, I started watching anime by rewatching Yu-Gi-Oh! with friends, and with playing the Danganronpa series, which while not an anime is definitely a gateway, especially when you consider that my senior year of college my housemates and I sat (again, on the floor) in front of our TV and watched the newly-aired Danganronpa anime – the real one with the rotating cours, not the bad adaptation of the first game. Slowly but surely it began from there. I watched all of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood with another roommate the next year and decided to cosplay Envy at Otakon, the local anime convention. Then it was Erased, and Death Note, and a spiral further and further downwards until my housemates and I were watching some kind of weeaboo nonsense most nights after dinner.

COVID exacerbated the anime-watching for me in the same way it did many others, though at that point I’d already watched probably over 60 series and at least 500 episodes of Yu-Gi-Oh! (what, did you think I only watched Duel Monsters? I’m a tried and true GX and Vrains girl too). I was the holder of the Crunchyroll premium account for the friend group (still am) and was moving across the country to live alone and start grad school, which was a great excuse to hole up and watch a hell of a lot of anime. So I did. And I kept doing so for several years – a friend and I started a short-lived podcast, I got really into cosplay, I watched between 10-12 seasonals per season for all of 2021 and some of 2022, most of which were very, very mid. But I was committed to watching them and logging them, because it felt like something to do, and it was something to talk about with my friends who were largely scattered across the country. I watched all of Gintama in under six months. It was a lot.

And then I graduated grad school, and moved in with my (now ex) partner, which naturally decreased my anime-watching time as he, while not not a weeb, is largely a gamer, and doesn’t get the joy I do out of sitting through some mediocre vampire slop (love you Visual Prison!). And I started to be able to go outside. And I wanted to make new friends, so I started making new friends. And while these friends watched anime, we mainly did other things, which was great! But between that and fucking around on my phone and getting really, really into figure skating – a giant timesink, considering competitions can take between 8-24 hours per weekend – I… stopped watching much anime. The anime I did watch I was doing out of some sort of compulsion, a desire to not let go of something I used to love. A desire to stay the same person, even as I expanded and grew. What I failed to realize was that I will always be the same person, even if I become a different person too. I am not a snake that sheds my skin each year, but instead an onion (yes, like Shrek) or a tree, always adding layers around the person I used to be. Given the opportunity to chase much-needed socialization after lockdown and isolation in a new city, I threw myself into new creative hobbies and social circles, and it was incredible. And yet, I could feel myself getting tired, resentful, behind. I wasn’t able to keep up with my weekly Naruto book club, which sounds silly but was actually stressing me out a lot. It turns out, my inner layers were still there, and they needed nurturing, too. Just not in the ways I expected.

Last year was tough for me and I burned out, hard. I failed to complete my yearly recommendations challenge, a sort-of year-long game I play with my weeb friends, for the first year. In my defense, a lot happened. My neighborhood was devastated by a tornado, I moved out from living with my ex and began living alone again, I struggled with multiple health concerns and a job that was and is still too small for me. In burning out, I realized that the way I was trying to engage with anime wasn’t working for me. I was going through the motions instead of doing what I enjoyed and then berating myself for not enjoying what I was doing. Which feels silly to type, but it’s true. It was ridiculous.

Honestly, I’m still burnt out. I’m still in the same job that’s slowly killing me, paying too much for rent in a city that more and more does not feel like a long-term home. Part of me starting this blog is an attempt to write my way through that burnout instead of stewing in it – to talk about something that I find fun and maybe even connect with other people that find it fun too.

So it’s 2026 and I’m watching anime again, but this time, it’s for current me and only me. I have rules – I put my phone away and I focus only on what actually seems good to me. No second screening anything. I do not take recommendations from anyone else, nothing that feels like homework. I’m watching mostly seasonals, and if something doesn’t capture me emotionally, I drop it. This season I’m watching Witch Hat Atelier and Akane Banashi so far, but I’m hoping to pick up One Hundred Scenes of Awajima and Ramparts of Ice, the new show from the mangaka behind You and I are Polar Opposites, my favorite from last season. I also hope to catch up on the new season of Medalist and finish season 3 of Oshi no Ko. In the meantime, I’m rewatching Beastars for my upcoming panel at Anime Central. That’s a lot on my plate, but it feels manageable, because I’m legitimately having fun with it, for the first time in a long, long time.

So how often will you see me write about anime on this blog? Well, I’m shooting for monthly, but I won’t make any promises. In the meantime, be on the lookout for some thoughts about Beastars very soon – I’m enjoying writing that so much that I guarantee it will be a treat. At the very least, it will be for me.